| 2005 WWE New Years Revolution Review |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|04:02 am] |
First let me begin by saying...WHAT THE F??? IS THE WWE THINKING? GOOD GRAVY THIS STUFF IS JUST YICK!
Match #1 World Tag Titles – Creepy Little Bastard and Goatboy vs. Venom and 'Happy Gene ©
Eugene has a Hogan like shirt and headband on, very funny. Regal and Christian to start, lock up and Regal with an arm bar. Reversal by Christian and an arm drag to Regal. Kip up by Regal and a snap mare by Regal and covers for 2. Side headlock take down by Regal, and Christian to his feet and takes Regal to the corner. Shoulder blocks by Christian and off the ropes and an arm drag by Regal. Tag to Eugene who locks in a wedgie to Christian! Eugene poses Hogan style and the crowd loves him. Right hands by Christian and off the ropes and Eugene takes him down and goes JYD on him. Tag to Tomko. Eugene tells Regal he can do it. LOUD Eugene chants now, and Tomko with right hands. Choke on the mat now, and he pulls Eugene up and tags Christian. They miss a double clothesline and Eugene to the floor and high fives the fans. Eugene hides under the ring and then he sneaks in and rolls up Christian for 2 as Tomko went to the floor. Airplane spin to Christian, then he rides him like a horse. Tomko in and LEVELS Eugene and Christian has control. Tag to Tomko, and he takes Eugene to the corner. Choke to Eugene, then back elbows to Eugene. Running power slam to Eugene for 2. Rake of the eyes by Tomko, and a tag to Christian. Right hands to the ribs of Eugene and Eugene starts to Hulk up! SHAKEY FINGER! YOU! Back drop to Christian. TAG TO REGAL! Levels Tomko now and pulls Christian back in but Tomko takes Regal’s head off with a clothesline. Cover and a 2 count for Tomko. Tomko chokes away at Regal then tags Christian. Right hands to Regal and he is down and Christian covers for 2. Regal’s nose is busted open and Christian with a rear headlock. Regal fights up and Christian nails him in the throat and then taunts Eugene as Tomko sneaks in and nails Regal. Tag to Tomko who tags Regal to the corner as the crowd chants Tomko sucks! Shoulder blocks in the corner as Regal bleeds more. Knees by Regal and Christian gets in a cheap shot and Tomko covers for 2. Front face lock by Tomko, and Regal tries to crawl to the corner for a tag. To his feet and Christian sneaks over and pulls Eugene off the apron and Regal makes the corner but Eugene is not there! Tomko pulls Regal back and he and Christian double team Regal. Regal reverses a whip and he collides with Tomko headfirst. Both men are down, and Regal crawls…but to the wrong corner. He and Tomko are both up and Tomko takes him down again. Choke in the corner by Tomko, and Regal shoves him off…TAG TO EUGENE! Right hands to Tomko, drop kick! He looks to have hurt his knee! He is holding it and they go back after Regal. Eugene rolls up Tomko and gets the pin @ 12:22!
Winners: V and E 12:22
>>Uh decent way to open, I guess. * match...moving right along...
Match #2 WWE Women’s Title – Creepy Little Bitch! vs Walking Kiss o' Death ©
Stare down to start as Lita soaks in the chants. Lock up and Lita takes Trish to the ropes and Trish reverses as they go to the corner. Trash talk now, and lock up again but Lita with a heel trip and right hands to Trish. Kicks and forearm shots to Trish and Lita dumps her to the floor. Lita with a THEZ press off the apron and she holds her knee! Knee blow out night 2005! Trish rolls Lita in and covers for 2. Trish with right hands now and the ref breaks it up. The replay didn’t look pretty for her knee, but it could be ok. Trish with kicks to the knee and then covers for 2. Lita fights back with right hands but can barely stand. Trish chokes her out and the ref breaks it up again. The ref checks on her and Trish attacks again. Lita tries a DDT but Trish escapes. Chick kick by Trish and that is ALL!
Winner: and NEW CHAMPION Creepy Little Bitch @ 3:50
>>Yep, should of seen this happening. Look folks, Miss Dumas is skilled in these fitness acrobatics but when it comes to dangerous wrestling maneveurs(and I'm not saying I'm an authority on them, I'm just stating there are better and smarter wrestlers that know how to properly execute them; NOT DO IT AT ALL!) she has as much business doing them as I got a chance owning Fort Knox someday. DUD match. I could careless who the women's champion is until they get legit female wrestlers who couldn't give a rat's ass of they are face/heel.
Match #3 #1 Contendership for the WWE Intercontinental Championship at Royal Rumble:
Johnny Monsoon def. Langston Bomber
>>Well Bischoff finally gave in & gave The Gibbon a title oppertunity at the Royal Rumble but he has to earn it by defeating Bomber here, one Bischoff bans both Ivory & Hemme from ringside (fans hate that) yet these two keep it at a pro wrestling level. What they do is simply text book wrestling, and no cheat to win tactics of boring headlocks, just fast paced moves, which isn't bizarre to a guy of Monsoon's height & weight, after sixteen minutes and five seconds ending comes after bananarama pinfall. So yeah, first great match of the evening. **3/4
Match #4 WWE IC Title – Laven-schulz vs. Its all about the Benjamins ©
Maven comes out to NO reaction…damn.
Here we go, lock up but Maven pulls away and goes to the ropes. This just in, Eugene has a dislocated kneecap! DAMN! Lock up and Shelton takes him to the corner. Maven bitches at the ref, and Shelton laughs him off. LOUD you suck chants for Maven. Maven ducks to the floor and now the heat picks up. Maven circles the ring, as he went to the Larry Z school of stalling.
He gets on the mic and says to not count to the ref. He has something to say, he says he doesn’t know what they are chanting, and says he’ll deal with Shelton in a minute. He says they probably don’t know English, so he…will…talk…real…slow. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING! You see, in order for him to win the IC title, he needs to concentrate, and he can’t while they are talking all of this jibberish! Do him a favor and tells them to shut up in Spanish, or some shit. Shelton out to chase him and Maven says he has had enough, and will face him back in the US. He walks away, but runs back and here we go.
Shelton rolls him up and THAT IS ALL! HAHAHAHAH!
Winner: B-chip @ 6:09
Maven says to cut the music, because that didn’t count! Maven wants a rematch, NOW! He says apparently they have another women’s champ in Shelton. The crowd chants “NA NA NA NA!” The ref tells him he lost and deal with it. Shelton comes back, he says Shelton is like Trish, and he has no BALLS!
>>Give it a rest, Lamven, thou lost to the great Chipper. This match was doomed to fail because turning this guy into a heel just made him into the lame jackass that he is. Until he stops with the Kindergarden Antics, el respecto por favor is goneo. ½ match.
Match #5 The Iron Shiek Experience 2005 vs. Burger King w/ Good ol' JR
They jaw back and forth as a big JERRY chant breaks out. Lock up and a slam by Hassan. He poses and Daivri is happy. Lock up and a slam by King. Hassan right back up and the crowd loves Lawler, no commentary by the way as Hassan slams King twice. Another slam and another. Ok dude, something else. King to the floor and he talks to JR. Lock up and Hassan takes King to the corner, whip and King with a boot. Clothesline to Hassan and he tries a right hand but Hassan bails. FEAR THE MEMPHIS RIGHT HAND! JR and Daivri have words and King attacks Hassan. Off the ropes, reversal and back elbow by Hassan. He undoes the turnbuckle and King rolls him up but the ref catches it late and only a 2. King shoved into the turnbuckle and hurts his shoulder, cover and a 2 count. Camel Clutch by Hassan and JR roots him on. King escapes and Hassan with a front face lock. King to his feet as Daivri yells instructions…and a knee to the head of the King. Camel Clutch again and King is in trouble. Daivri calls JR a fat Oklahoma slob. King escapes again but Hassan locks it in again. Hassan lets him out and boots him in the head. Cover and a 2 count. Right hands by Hassan and then a suplex to the King for 2. Cobra Clutch now to King…but he tries to fight out again. He gets to his feet and elbows out. Off the ropes and Hassan with a knee to the gut for 2. Neck breaker by Hassan gets another 2. Boring chants now as Hassan unloads with right hands on King. Right hands and King starts to feel his Memphis power grow…STRAP DOWN! Right hands to Hassan and King in command. Drop kick! Goes to the 2nd rope…fist drop of doom! King covers and only a 2. DDT to Hassan and King covers but Daivri puts Hassan’s foot on the rope. King chases Daivri and JR has him cornered. Back in the ring…flat liner by Hassan and that is all.
Winners: Hassan @ 10:49
>>Match was too long, so predictable and this is who we have to represent the U.S.A.? Kingfish? Um..where be the Rock or Mick? Atleast Ken Shamrock would of beaten this assclown. DUD
Match #6 Big Bad Machine vs. Evil Gene
They say Lita is at a medical facility and it doesn’t look good, I doubt worse than Eugene though.
>>So Lita and 'Happy Gene are out. Maybe Regal can turn heel off/on again like he always does and tag up with the Creepy Little Bitch or Molly "I'm Better then Bob" Holly.
JR already said Bowling Shoe ugly…help me! Shoves and a clothesline by Kane. Right hands to Snitsky, and then some uppercuts. Slam by Kane, and an elbow drop, another then a leg drop and Kane chokes him out. Snitsky to the corner, and he fights out with right hands. Reversal of a whip and Kane blocks a big boot and right hands to Snitsky. Power slam and Kane covers for 2. Right hands again to Snitsky but he gets a sidewalk slam to Kane. Corner clothesline to Kane, and then another to take Kane down. Snitsky goes to the floor and pulls the mat up off the floor. He goes back in but Kane knocks him back to the floor. Snitsky tries a power bomb, but Kane back drops out and Snitsky eats the concrete. Kane up top as Snitsky is back in but Snitsky gets a big boot as Kane flies. Boots to Kane now, and Snitsky favors his back. Kane whipped to the corner and Snitsky follows with another boot in the corner. Snitsky stretches Kane around the ring post and Kane yells in pain. Boots again to Kane and then a slam to Kane. Elbow to Kane and a 2 count. Bear hug to Kane and Snitsky really works the ribs. Kane tries to fight out and gets some right hands and does. Uppercuts to Snitsky and he won’t go down. GOOZLE! Snitsky escapes and slams Kane down. SIT UP! UH OH! Snitsky kicks him down...SIT UP AGAIN! Kick by Snitsky…SIT UP A 3rd time! Snitsky kicks him in the face again! Kane rammed to the steel steps and Snitsky grabs a steel chair. Boot by Kane and he slides back in the ring. Snitsky takes Kane to the corner, GOOZLE! Tosses Snitsky back to the corner and right hands and elbows by Kane! Corner clothesline by Kane. Sidewalk slam. BIG boot to Snitsky. Kane up top…Clothesline to Snitsky. Kane is up! Snitsky with back elbows though, and knees to Kane. Hot shot to Kane and then a clothesline to follow up. Both men are down…and they are up at 8. Right hands back and forth….DOUBLE GOOZLE! Kane fights him off…but Snitsky is biting Kane! TYSON ALL OVER AGAIN! Boot to the head by Snitsky…SIT UP! Someone’s in trouble…Kane has him up…TOMBSTONE and that is all!
Winner: Big Bald Machine @ 11:43
>>Salvaging this P.P.V this is so not. Call this your 2X monster heel revenge thingy. Just watch them deep 6 Evil Gene to OVW, bring back Matt Hardly to blame the Big Bad Machine for Dumas' bum leg.
"Big Bald Machine:Uh...Snitsky did it!"
Match #7 World Title, Elimination Chamber – The Lame vs. The Ayatolla of Rock-n-Rolla, vs. The Rabid Wolverine vs. The Best Selling Whiner vs. The Expected Champ vs. The Generation 3rd
Jericho and Benoit stare each other down…circle and lock up. To the corner and they break. Lock up again and Jericho with a go behind and a take down. Benoit reverses into a hammerlock and then Jericho reverses. Side headlock by Jericho and Benoit takes him down and then they stand off. Lock up again and Jericho pushes him back to the ropes. Knees by Jericho and then right hands. Chops by Benoit ring though the arena! Clothesline to Jericho and he lit up Jericho. Jericho to the corner and more chops! Kick by Jericho and chops for Benoit! Boot to Jericho and Benoit tries the sharpshooter but Jericho rolls him up and tries the Walls. Benoit escapes…GERMAN to Jericho. Benoit tries a cross face, but Jericho escapes. Chops by Benoit but Jericho with a clothesline for 2. Back suplex by Jericho and he covers for 2. Kick to the ribs by Jericho as the crowd chants for HBK. Jericho goes up top…Benoit with chops. He follows him up…SUPERPLEX! Benoit about landed on his head! Chamber about to open…both men down…it’s HHH!
HHH all over Benoit with right hands. HARD corner whip to Benoit. High knee to Jericho, then another hard whip to Benoit, covers and gets 2. Jericho fights off HHH and chops away at him. Clothesline by HHH to Jericho and then tosses Benoit to the steel floor. Rams Benoit face first into the chains! Back in now and he goes after Jericho. Tosses Jericho to the steel floor. Benoit is busted wide open! HHH opens him up some more with right hands then rams him again into the chains. Back in the ring and HHH covers him for 2. HHH tries a pedigree, but Jericho breaks it up. Jericho with right hands but HHH tries a pedigree on him, back dropped to the steel floor! Jericho yells at HBK and goes after HHH. Jericho with a slam to HHH on the steel. He gives Batista the bird and goes back after HHH. He suplexes HHH back in the ring and gets 2. Knees to HHH and Benoit but Benoit with a vicious chop takes Jericho down. Neck breaker to Jericho as Benoit covers for 2 and the next man in is…EDGE!
Edge is in and goes after Benoit and Jericho. Corner spear to HHH. DDT to HHH gets 2! Overhead belly to belly to Benoit by Edge. Right hands to HHH and then a whip and a back drop to HHH. Enziguri to HHH by Jericho and covers for 2. Spring board drop kick to Edge who eats the steel floor. Knee to Benoit by Jericho and Jericho goes after Edge. Edge slams Jericho into the chains! Knee by HHH to Edge as he tries to get back in the ring. HHH tries a pedigree to Edge, but Edge reverses it and HHH EATS CHAINS! Top rope clothesline to Benoit gets 2! Jericho is busted open now! Cross face to Edge but he escapes and beats on a bloody Benoit. Enziguri by Jericho to Edge! He covers…ONLY 2! HHH back in and Jericho goes after him. AA spinebuster to Jericho gets 2! HHH is busted on the nose. Nothernlights to Benoit by Edge for 2! PEDIGREE TO JERICHO! All 4 men are down! The next man is ORTON!
He attacks Edge right away. Up top…cross body to HHH! Right hands now and HHH is in trouble. HHH sent over the top to the steel floor. Orton follows and rams HHH face first into the chains. Orton is all over him as the chant RKO! Right hands and HHH sent back in the ring. Off the ropes…power slam to HHH. RKO TO JERICHO! Benoit tries the cross face to Orton and has it! HHH taunts Orton and slaps him! Benoit pulls back and Benoit breaks it…SHARPSHOOTER ON HHH! RKO TO BENOIT! Broken bodies everywhere! Edge is up…SPEARS HBK! SPEAR TO ORTON! HBK is down still! Edge pulls HBK up and yells at him….SUPER KICK! LION SAULT! JERICHO PINS EDGE! EDGE IS GONE!
GERMAN TO HHH…2…3! Cut throat baby! Benoit up top…on top of a chamber! SWANDIVE HEAD BUTT! DEAR GOD! WALL OF JERICHO ON HHH! CROSS FACE AS WELL!
Batista is in! They can’t open the chamber! Now he is in! He breaks it up. He destroys Jericho and Benoit with clotheslines! Jericho tossed to the floor! SPINE BUSTER to Orton! HHH is up…Stand off! Benoit and Jericho attack and they beat down HHH and Batista. Press slam to Jericho and he was tossed into the cameraman! POWERSLAM to Benoit! Double choke to Orton, but Benoit breaks it up. Benoit and Orton beat down Batista as they take out the cameraman. Orton and Jericho go at it and HHH is back up. HHH goes after Orton and tosses him into the chains. Bulldog to HHH on the steel floor! Batista beats down Benoit and Batista eats steel! Everyone is down…and Batista is up and kicks away at Benoit, then chokes him out. Benoit up with chops on Batista…Spinebuster! BATISTA BOMB to Jericho onto Benoit! Batista pins Benoit!
Benoit and Edge are gone. Batista choke out Jericho as HHH tossed Orton to the steel. Power slam to Jericho by Batista. BATISTA BOMB! Batista pins Jericho! Jericho is gone! Back drop by Orton to HHH on the steel! Orton rams Batista to the steel. HHH rams Orton to the steel now! Orton is busted open and Batista and HHH beat Orton down. HHH tells Batista to finish Orton, and then they slap him around. HHH punches away at Orton and Batista kicks away at him. Power slam to Orton gets 2 for Batista. AA Spine buster by HHH gets 2! They stalk Orton…HHH picks him up and turns him inside out with a clothesline and gets 2! Another cover and another 2! HHH is pissed! Batista with some vicious right hands to Orton and they are in total control. Orton tries to fight back with right hands…he has them rocking. Tries an RKO, shoved off…NUT SHOT TO BATISTA! RKO TO BATISTA and he pins BATISTA! HHH just looked on and could have helped!
HHH nails Orton in the back and tosses him to the floor. Orton tries to fight back and repeatedly rams HHH into the steel. Back in the ring…sets for the RKO…RKO! Batista is still in the ring! Flair is in! CLOTHESLINE kills Orton! HBK gets Flair and Batista to go. Orton and HHH are both down…HHH crawls over and picks Orton up. Sets for the Pedigree…PEDIGREE on Orton. Cover…1…2…3!
Winner: And NEW Champion The Lame @ 34:55
Batista lifts up HHH on his shoulders as they celebrate.
>>Well, after 30 plus minutes, this is the ONLY match I'm giving a ** to. So sorry, foo-foo. This entire P.P.V. was teh suck. Don't bother the Tuesday replay. Hopefully, the Royal Rumble will be much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much much(Yeah 18 "muchs", cuz liek there have been 18 Royal Rumbles after this year's, so why not?
The Golden Gopher of NW Louisiana says don't even bother renting, buying or thinking about this crappy event ever again. |
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